Making sense of your cultural beliefs, values and upbringing sheds light on patterns that you are bringing to your relationship with your teen.

Growing up as a first generation Ugandan American in Newark, NJ, I had several identities. In the Ugandan community and with my family, I tried to be the young girl who really tuned into the Ugandan culture to make my parents happy. And as I grew up, in school, I sought to identify as an African American teen and didn’t really want to be seen as African, since it was considered so different. And I would often hide being Muslim in my teen years, again not wanting to be different from others.

Living with multiple identities carried on even through my adult years as I graduated with bachelors and masters degrees in engineering from Carnegie Mellon University and Stanford University and worked in Fortune 500 companies in corporate spaces. I had a pattern since childhood, that all of my decisions in life were driven by what other people would think, seeking validation and approval from my parents, friends, and family in my journey. At the subconscious level, I was trying to prove myself to receive love. And I was associating my self-worth with validation from others.